Seeing a counsellor has helped me to gain confidence in myself and to see that I'm not a complete weirdo because I'm not a huge socialiser or partier.
Seems there are two different temperaments out there: extraversion and introversion. The former refers to those who are social beings, who gain energy from being in large crowds and talking and having loads of friends. Extroverts are (unfortunately :P) the majority, hence the huge emphasis on having to be out and about all the time in order to be 'successful' in our society. Introversion on the other hand, gets a lot of shit, mainly from extroverts who don't understand it.
Here's the thing: introverts (that would be me!) are not anti-social and do not generally dislike people. However, introverts do get their energy from being with themselves more than with other people. Introverts don't really do small talk (we prefer meatier conversations) and socialisation on a large scale can be a daunting experience. What comforts me is the thought that I'm not the only one out there that feels like this. A bit of research has shown that there are others out there that see the world the same way I do.
Obviously I can't just go around telling everyone 'Oh, I'm an introvert' and expect them to make exceptions for me. I get that, still I feel a lot less alienated and a bit more comfortable with myself than what I was thanks to finding this stuff out. (No, this doesn't mean I'm just shutting myself away. I am making an effort to get involved in things out of my comfort zone).
I just want to officially denounce your councillor. In some circumstances we may seem more introverted than anything else, but humans are much more complex beings than that. And it's a trick of the mind that you believe that you're introverted. Our minds conform to predispositioned "narratives" (mostly by how we were raised - but let's not go blaming our parents... teheh if I had a penny everytime I practised what I preached) of how we see ourselves AND others. So if we do something completely exproverted, we barely acknowledge it. But if we stay at home and be all introvert-y, then that behaviour conforms to our mind's narrative and thus we notice it more and label ourselves so. If you really want to know what introvert/extrovert category you belong to notice what you do when you are scared. Are you outspoken? Or do you follow? Fuck, if that's the case I tend to lean on the extroversion scale - and even then, that doesn't make me extroverted, it's just my instinctual response overriding my narrative one.
ReplyDeleteOur minds are fucked up. We need to learn to accept that what we think is not always so (and in some cases, if we are not aware of this, what we do from what we think is not always right for us either). You should do something fun and don't mull over this rubbish.
I accept that we are more complex than simple categories of 'introversion' or 'extroversion'. These are simply categories for personality, a way to distinguish between people who are more outgoing or anxious or whatever.
ReplyDeleteSo while it helps a little to know that I'm not the only person in the world that happens to be more introverted it doesn't mean that I'm actually going to live my life according to the definition or introversion or anything like that.
I'm open to doing things that are fun and meeting new people and all that stuff, I don't want to stay by myself all the time. At the moment I'm just having trouble finding things that I'd enjoy doing that would also allow me to connect with other people. UniCrew for me is turning out to be a load of crap...
Oh and my counsellor isn't trying to push the view that people are one thing or the other either, so don't get the wrong impression or anything :P I should have explained myself a little better I suppose.
Yes. Well done.
ReplyDeleteI sent an email to Katie (the head UniCrew organiser) telling her that nothing is happening, and I'm not receiving anything from my leader, and if ANY volunteering positions come up to contact me directly because the structure of UniCrew this session is indeed crap.